Cast

    Ernie

    ErnieErnie is a well-meaning young man, full of good intentions and limited prospects.

    Doris

    Doris is Ernie’s wife and the new mother of their baby girl.

    Spencer

    SpencerSpencer is Doris’ little rat of a brother, who thinks plastic dog poop is the finest invention of the twenty-first century.

    Uncle Sid

    Uncle SidSid is Ernie’s ne’er-do-well uncle, and founder of the Piranha Club, a band of low brow, bumbling, would-be con men.

    Effie Munyon

    Effie Munyonis Sid’s squeeze, amateur vocalist, and lousy cook. Peggy Lee and Julia Child are doing a pas-des-deux in their final resting places.

    Dr. Enos Pork

    Dr. Enos Porkis Sid’s best friend, member of the Piranha Club and the reason why malpractice insurance rates are so high.

    Mother Packer

    Mother PackerMother Packer is Enos’ mother-in-law and number one contender in the bantamweight division.

    Arnold

    Arnold Arnold and Arnoldine Arnoldski are eighteen year old twins.

    Arnoldine

    ArnoldineThey are the two main reasons we should give up any hope for the future of mankind.

    Reverend Bob

    Reverend BobRev. Bob is the hapless pastor of the Hallelujah Church of Bayonne and chaplain to the Piranha Club.

    Earl

    Sid wanted a pet he could relate to, so he got Earl, his beloved piranha and mascot of the Piranha Club. Earl’s appetite for anything edible (and to this fish, anything is edible!) is matched only by Sid’s appetite for unearned money.

    Beardo

    BeardoBeardo is the jealous retired sideshow bearded lady who is married to Quacko the human duck.

    Zerblat

    Zerblat is from the Planet Grelzak and is joined by his ex-wife, Buffy, and their several hundred froglike children

    Grandpa Fernwilter

    Grandpa FernwilterGrandpa Fernwilter is Sid’s ex-con pop, and Shorty, his sidekick at the Cedars of Bayonne Nursing Home.

    Bob the Zombie

    Bob the ZombieBob has a hard time adjusting to modern life. (Or death. Whatever.)